Saturday, 13 October 2012

Weird just got weirder

Hadn't really intended to do this every day but this has been a funny sort of day and its only 2.30pm
So, in order of appearance. Some facts, something funny, something we felt, something we saw then something just bizarre

The fact bit - about costs
Our breakfast of two pieces of toast, masala tea, orange juice, bottled water and a Spanish omelet costs about 280 rupees, two cans of coke is 50 rupees, 1 litre of bottled water 25 rupees, a 30km Train journey is 69 Rupees each, a dinner inc two 600ml of kingfisher, a large naan, rice, vegetable curry and some other vegetarian dish is about 550 Rupees, our hotel room is 1200 Rupees a night and is clean, comfortable, reasonably sized and has an en suite bathroom and shower. £1=83 Rupee. these are the average prices around here but there are much cheaper deals on eating out and accomodation if one can be bothered to look

The funny thing
This morning after having breakfast whilst looking at the Arabian Sea (not Indian ocean as origianally stated) I did a discrete blow off. Unfortunately it sounded like a trumpet and felt more substantial than your average fart. Upon a quick investigation in the toilet I discovered why wearing pants and shorts can help ones modesty. I had effectively shit myself and the whole arse crack area of my dark blue shorts were now much darker and clearly sign posted my predicament. To make matters worse I had to scurry, running to dangerous, back to the hotel down the main thorough fare to shower my arse and wash my shorts. Rachel was very supportive.

The feely bit
It is very pleasant sitting in an empty restaurant upstairs overlooking the sea amidst palm trees as rain pours down upon the tin roof. The loud pitted patter mixes with the sound of crashing waves and gentle Indian music. The water pours in small waterfalls off the rusting, red, corrugated channels and splashes on the worn wooden floor. Occasional peals of thunder can be heard above these restful sounds but this adds to the joy of having nothing to do apart from sip our lime sodas and watch the world go by from our comfy dry seats.
The thing we saw
Dolphins. Whilst sitting in the restaurant a pod of dolphins swam along the bay with there bodies gliding in and out of the water. No acrobatics but pretty exciting nonetheless.
Now the bizarre bit

The restaurant we had breakfast and one of us shit ourself in said they were doing a cooking exhibition at 10.00am so asked Rachel if we would come back after i had cleaned myself up. At 12 noon we were still sat there waiting - enjoying rain, reading kindles, going on the net but, still just waiting. Suddenly there are loads of people and waiters carrying power lines and the double ovens from downstairs, and lighting rigs, and cameras, and silver boxes and microphones. There are cameramen, soundmen, make up people, an achor woman, producer, assistants, an over excited owner and a terrified looking chef.
The exhibition is not just an exhibition for me and rachel  but a full blown production of a 15 minute cookery programme for national southern india tv.
We are the audience, along with a couple of other girls who arrived about 11.30. But not an audience that is secondary to the plot. We are part of the bloody plot and rachel and i are postioned at our table chatting and drinking beer that is disguised as a fruit cocktail by a double agent napkin about 2ft from the chef and the young starlet. The camera people, producer et al all chat to us and dab our faces to clear the sweat (we only came in for breakfast so those of us who had not shat themselves were ill prepared for their 15 minutes of fame being still a bit stinky and greasy haired from the night before)
The shot went on for a while then suddenly attention turned to the "foreigners" who were in the restaurant and we had to taste the food and say "yummy" and what we thought. I had to feed rachel and the greedy bugger got four servings before she got it right!
I didn't think we were naturals but.... The producer then got all the cameras on us and asked us to do a link to be shown between other programmes to promote the show.
Rachel: Watch Superchef!
Pan to Chris
Chris: Monday to Friday
Pan to Rachel
Rachel: 12pm
Pan to Chris who points from the hip in a cheesy fashion
Chris: Only on Asian net plus
Pan to both with thumbs up
Chris and Rachel: So don't miss it
We have been given the web address of the station so we can check it out and when we have a proper link you can see your now famous indian megastars.
Have to go as Rachel needs to shit, shower and shave before we are due back on set for part two of the set and more "yummy" comments 


  1. Funniest blog yet - am i right in saying the gallery picture is of "the shorts". Wont be using that on my desktop. Although some of your others make excellent thought provoking desktop pics to keep you in our thoughts X - neat

  2. I think you are naturals. Can you send your autograph now before I have to make an appointment!

  3. Glad that my daughter was so supportive in your predicament.... thats my girl!
    I think I have found the TV channel that does the cookery progs I have been looking at videos on Asianet and they are doing a series about dishes in Kerala and the items used on then videos ie the stove on a table was similar to the one in your pictures, only thing is I couldn't see you two on there.
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